The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
