I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
