He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
