I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
