i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We left an ass print on the piano.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
