Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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