Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I need water and some morals
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
