i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
and she was petting her beer can
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize