I am in a vortex of obligation.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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