I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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