I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
