69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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