the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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