If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize