you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
