More tranny stories later!
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Randomize
