So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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