the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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