I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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