How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize