Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
