Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
