A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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