i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
