New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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