im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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