Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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