I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
