god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
So squirting runs in the family.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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