Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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