Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
