and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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