i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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