In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
