woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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