Jerry, you need to find god
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
