Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
