garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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