Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
