We're facebook friends in real life
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
