In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
