At least make sure they are 18
Why
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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