Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
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