i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I want to be your penis for a week.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
