I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
