I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
