Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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