Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
