I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
