i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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