i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
