Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize