Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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