More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
