no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
