he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Four minutes until I can fart!
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
