booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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