I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
