i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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