Swine flu is the new snow day.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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