Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
