I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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