I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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