I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
