i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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