I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize