...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
