You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
