I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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